So here’s the thing…

I recently volunteered my time to a regional police department who are training a new round of officers on the roadside breathalyzer machines. That is a formal way of saying that I got to drink for free, for one hour, and the government paid for it. Not too shabby!!

Well, 5 rum and cokes later, I was indeed in no fit state to drive – and the machines proved it.

What I learned is that while gender, height and weight have something to do with the readings, there is more to it. There are invisible factors, that we just can’t see. For example, how much food has or hasn’t yet digested in the stomach; the rate of each individuals metabolism and personal alcohol tolerance just to name a few. What I’m getting at, is that you don’t know what level you’re going to blow at – and you probably will find that it’s higher than you think. The best way to avoid that is too not drink and drive my friends. As interesting as the testing was, it is not a test worth proving on the roads.

Here are 5 bits of breathalyzer info:

1. Trying to trick the machine by sucking on a penny. Not only is it untrue, but it’s germ-y and gross.

2. Trying to trick the machine by swishing mouthwash. If you didn’t already know, some people drink mouthwash to get drunk. What do you think is going to happen if you do this?

3. Trying to trick the machine by putting your underwear in your mouth. This happened. I’m not even kidding.

4. Trying to trick the machine by eating Vicks Vapo Rub. Ew.

5. Thinking it’s funny to be locked up in the ‘drunk tank’. Maybe you are a happy drunk, but that doesn’t mean the people who were in there before you were… or the people next door to you. On any given night, there is feces, urine, semen and blood being dropped, spread, smeared and thrown around those cells. Not to mention the moaning, crying and tantrums that will stop you from getting any rest on the cold metal bed. Ugh.

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